Goodbye
by Buffy Anne Halliwell
Summary: Just a oneshot that came to mind, about Paige's actions after Kyle's death.


_"I was watching charmageddon and I think that Paige never showed how hard it really was for her Kyle's death, so here's a one shot about her dealing with it… It'll be kind of dark-ish."_

The sisters had just convinced the Avatars to turn the world back to what it was before the so called Utopia, Phoebe and Piper walked through the streets to be sure that indeed the Avatars held their end of the deal.

In the meantime, Paige orbed to her bedroom, through the window she could hear some people arguing about blocking their driveways, numbly she peeked outside, "as if nothing happened," she whispered, "you were right all the time," she said now glancing up to the sky.

She closed the window and went to lie down on the bed, some time later she heard her sisters arrive to the manor, she heard Piper and Leo talking downstairs, she couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about but she was happy for them, at least they got to be together. Then she heard someone walking up the stairs, she assumed it was Phoebe.

Indeed, the medium sister walked into Paige's room and lied down next to Paige and hugged her, just as her sisters did with herself after they vanquished Cole, Phoebe understood what her sister was going through.

"I miss him," Paige said, she wasn't crying anymore.

"I know sweetie, but he died for a good cause, he saved the world," Phoebe replied.

"If I had been a better listener when he talked to me about the avatars, but I was blinded, I wanted so bad to live in a world without demons… to be with him," Paige said softly, mostly talking to herself.

"We all were fooled, we all wanted normal lives, don't be so hard on yourself," Piper said from the doorway, she listened what Paige said, "what we went through wasn't easy, it was painful to realize we made the wrong choice."

"How's Leo?" Paige asked, she knew that it was hard for Piper to see her husband die.

"He's fine, we're just worried about the Elders, we don't think they're going to forget easily that Leo sided with the Avatars," Piper said with some guilt, she was really happy that Leo was alive, but she felt sorry for Paige's loss.

"Good…" Paige said, all the time since Phoebe walked in until now, Paige had been staring at the window, "it would be so easy to join you," she whispered.

"What?" Phoebe asked, she heard Paige perfectly but she wasn't sure what she really meant.

"It would be so easy… to join Kyle… my foster parents… mom… grams… Prue… so easy," she said with a blank expression.

"Paige, don't say that," Piper said.

"Maybe that's the real Utopia, an afterlife without demons," Paige continued in her train of thoughts.

"Paige…" Phoebe tried to calm her down but was ignored.

"If I had my healing powers, I could had saved him," Paige said as she stood up and paced on the wooden floor, "half witch half whitelighter, what's the good in that if I'm not complete on either side?" Paige was in a self loathing mood, ignoring the fact that her sisters were there, "and the person who made me feel complete is gone now… dead, because I didn't listened to him, because I ignored my instincts, because I can't heal… I'm sorry… sorry," by the end she started crying again, her sisters worried rushed to her side and held her, but she didn't return the embrace.

"Calm down, you did what you could," Phoebe said in a calming voice.

"I did nothing!" Paige interrupted, "I just watched him die… I saw him throw the potion, I saw Beta attack him and I just… I just stood there."

"Paige," Piper called, thinking of what to say but her mind was blank.

"I have to go," Paige said and wiped her tears, breaking her sisters' embrace.

"Where?" Phoebe asked worried, she wasn't sure if she was right, but right then and there she felt something that she was sure wasn't her own feelings, she felt despair, loneliness, hopelessness and a desire to end with it all.

Paige didn't answered, she just orbed away. Piper's concern grew when she saw Phoebe's panicked eyes, she frowned, "you okay?"

"I think I just got my empathy back," she said alarmed, "I felt Paige's pain and… she wants an escape."

"An escape?... be more specific, maybe she just wants some time alone," Piper said also starting to panic.

"We have to find her before she harms herself!" Phoebe said and pulled Piper downstairs, she knew exactly what Paige was feeling the need to do.

"Leo!" Piper called, he was still downstairs, watching his sons enjoying their time together.

"What is it?" he asked alarmed as he saw the sisters' faces.

"Orb us to wherever Paige is," Piper asked him in a rush.

"Is she okay?" Leo asked, already focusing on sensing Paige's whereabouts.

"Not at all… now hurry hurry," Piper rushed, Leo waved his hand and orbed the sisters to the top of the Golden Gate bridge where he sensed Paige.

"Paige!" Phoebe and Piper called in unison once they saw Paige standing by the edge staring down.

Paige turned around, surprised to see them there, "I came here to be alone," she said with a hint of annoyance.

"Paige… I know what you're feeling… I really know" Phoebe said with emphasis, "you don't have to do this."

"Please… go, I know what I'm doing," Paige said, in a calm tone.

"You're crazy if you think we're leaving you, come on," Piper took a step closer, "let's go home," she talked almost in a motherly way to her baby sister.

Paige sighed and approached her sisters, "I will," she simply said and turned around, without hesitation she walked towards the edge, Piper and Phoebe watched in horror how Paige let herself fall down the bridge, heading to the water. "No!" both cried and could do nothing but watch their youngest sister fall.

Paige had her eyes closed, during the fall she couldn't help but smile, she felt free, she felt in control, she didn't feel scared or regretful at all, and from the top of the bridge, Phoebe mirrored Paige's smile, her empathy reaching Paige, "she'll be okay," Phoebe told Piper who was confused with Phoebe's reaction.

Piper and Phoebe looked down, from their point of view, Paige had become just a dot, and just as she was going to hit the water, she was covered in blue and white orbs.

Paige was pleased, she felt much better now, she opened calmly her eyes and watched the water, mere seconds from feeling the impact of the cold liquid she orbed herself back up with her sisters, where Phoebe received her with an understanding smile and Piper with a frown.

"Are you nuts?" Piper snapped.

Paige took a deep breath, "I told you I know what I was doing, I'm sorry I got you worried, I didn't mean for you to see this."

"I don't get it," Piper said confused.

"She let the pain and sorrow go, that was… total freedom," Phoebe explained.

"Freedom from everything… if only for seconds… I was free, I was in control…" Paige said, she still was sad but at least now she didn't feel guilty or angry with herself, "I know it was stupid, but I really feel the need to do it."

Piper playfully smacked her in the arm, "don't ever dare to scare me like that, is that clear missy?" she said seriously "you're better than that," this time Piper had teary eyes, she hugged Paige fiercely, "never again scare me like that," she repeated.

"It was a no time for explanations sort of deal… but I never really planned on go all the way to do it, that's why I did it… am I making sense?" Paige said.

"There are other ways of mourn, and to deal with painful things," Phoebe said.

"Well yeah but I can't exactly go out and get drunk, that would be worse," Paige said, with this the sisters let out a laugh, releasing the tension of the last moments.

"I'm sorry," Paige said simply, Piper and Phoebe could clearly see that she wasn't as broken as she was in her room.

"Let's go," Phoebe said and both sisters looped their arms with Paige's

Paige orbed herself and her sisters back to the manor, and then she orbed to Kyle's apartment and went through his belongings, she picked up a snow globe, "bye" she whispered.

"Hello Paige," a familiar voice said behind her, Paige turned and saw Kyle.

"Kyle?" she asked, unsure if she was dreaming or if indeed that was him.

"Careful, that used to mean a lot to me," Kyle said looking at the snow globe, Paige gently places it down.

"Is this really you?" she asked as she approached.

"In the flesh, more or less," he replied.

"I saw you die."

"That's right, you did, but as you know sometimes it doesn't end there."

"Are you a Whitelighter?"

"Feels kind of weird, but at least I can still feel."

"How?"

"I guess the Elders decided I must have done something good with my life after all, which is a relief considering the mess I made of it."

"You didn't make such a mess."

"Come on, I got a little crazy there at the end, didn't I?"

"A little crazy but you did save the world."

"Hence the reward."

"I just wish I could…"

"Paige, it's not your fault, I understand now that my life was supposed to end the way it did, how it did, it was my destiny, just like it was our destiny to meet, to fall for each other."

"To lose each other?"

"Who says we're not gonna meet again?"

Paige started to cry, tears of joy for seeing him well, and of sadness because this was goodbye, she knew it was hard they cross paths again, he gently kissed her on the forehead, "take care of that for me, will you?" he said this and orbed out. Paige took the globe, wiped her tears and with a light smile orbed back home.


End file.
